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😈The One-Eyed Menace: Who (or What) is Dajjal, and Why is He the Ultimate Islamic Supervillain?...

By: Abdullah al-Satire | Chief Apocalyptic Analyst, Department of Messianic Mayhem Move over Voldemort. Sit down, Thanos. Kindly unplug, Skynet. Because when it comes to end-of-the-world bosses , Islam has its very own final boss battle — Ad-Dajjal . The Antichrist of Islam , Dajjal is the fire-breathing, one-eyed, chaos-incarnating, global gaslighter that scholars, imams, and WhatsApp forwards have been warning Muslims about for 1400 years. He’s not just a villain. He’s the villain. The OG liar. The master deceiver. The messiah impersonator. He doesn’t just troll — he declares himself God … and people believe him. Yes. People. Believe. Him. Welcome to the End Times. Part I: Who is Dajjal? In Arabic, “Dajjal” comes from the word dajl , meaning to deceive, to lie, to cover the truth . He is commonly referred to as Al-Masih ad-Dajjal — “The False Messiah.” He’s the Islamic equivalent of the Antichrist , but unlike vague western lore, Islamic sources describe him in weirdly s...
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🕌The Messiah, the Myth, and the Missing Imam: The Long-Awaited Arrival of Islam’s Ultimate Plot Twist – The Mahdi!...

By: Abdullah al-Satire, Chief Correspondent, Department of WTF Eschatology The End is Near… or Is It Just Stuck in Traffic? In every religion, there's always That Guy. The One. The Promised. The myth-shrouded messiah who shows up just before the world goes full apocalypse. In Christianity, he’s Jesus on a comeback tour. In Hinduism, it’s Kalki, descending on a white horse with a flaming sword. In Buddhism, it’s Maitreya, the future Buddha chillin’ in cosmic prep school. And in Islam, we get… The Mahdi — part savior, part mystery man, and full-time reason for every WhatsApp forward during a pandemic. But who is this elusive Mahdi? When is he coming? Is he already here? Is he on X (formerly Twitter)? Did he ghost everyone in the 9th century? Or is he just waiting for 5G coverage to improve? Grab your turbans and telescopes, folks. We’re diving deep into one of Islam’s most debated, awaited, and memed concepts: The Coming of Allah’s Guidance — aka Mahdi: The Deluxe End-of-Times ...
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🕉️ WTF History Special: The God Had a Muslim Girlfriend?...

How South India’s Deities Were More Interfaith Than Most WhatsApp Groups By our slightly confused, biryani-eating, Vavar-dancing religion correspondent Welcome to the Deccan, where Shiva rode in on a horse named Khan, Draupadi hired a Muslim bodyguard, and Ayyappa wouldn’t let you up the mountain without first checking in with his best friend Vavar — who just happened to run a mosque. Yes, dear reader, before “love jihad” debates and TV news anchors discovered the miraculous power of shouting, religion in South India was a rich masala of holy entanglements. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Did Lord Vishnu marry a Muslim princess?” or “Did Shiva go to Mecca?” then the answer — and this may surprise you — is an enthusiastic, coconut-smashing yes . Let us dive deep into this cosmic buffet of cross-religious camaraderie, a place where mythologies mingled more freely than modern dinner guests at a secular shaadi. Chapter 1: Welcome to Sabarimala – Where Allah and Ayyappa Trek Together ...
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🍛From Pongal to Politics: The Wild, Wacky, and WTF Evolution of Tirupati's Sacred Snacks...

By Our Divine Delicacy Correspondent Once a humble hilltop haunt for shepherd-warriors and sheep-ghee ceremonies, Tirumala is now a mega-prasadam factory dishing out laddus with a side of nationalism. What in the name of Vishnu happened? If the gods of Indian temples had resumes, Venkateswara of Tirumala would top the LinkedIn of deities. From being bathed in sheep’s ghee to being sponsored by empire-builders, and from receiving pongal in leaf bowls to starring in social media conspiracy theories about animal fat in laddus, Venkateswara has seen it all — and eaten even more. Welcome to Tirupati, where religious devotion meets real estate, and holy offerings double as economic policy, cultural history, and, recently, full-blown Twitter drama. In this very, very long — possibly unnecessarily long — article, we’ll chart the entire bizarre journey of how Tirupati’s prasadam transformed from rustic ghee gruel to a golden orb of carbohydrate-laced controversy. PART I: WHEN GODS ATE SIM...
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🛕WTF Dharma: How Sanskrit Nearly Invented NASA Before Forgetting What a Telescope Is...

  By Our Ancient-Futuristic Correspondent, Panchajanya Pseudoscientifica In a shocking development that absolutely nobody asked for but everybody has heard of, Delhi’s Chief Minister Rekha Gupta recently declared that Sanskrit is not only “scientific” and “computer-friendly” but has apparently been blessed by the heavenly approval of NASA. Again. Like an incorrigible relative who claims to have invented Facebook in 1993 but forgot the password, Sanskrit is back in the news with its usual entourage of flying chariots, nuclear sages, and Vedic wi-fi. This, of course, is not the first time the language of Kalidasa has been dragged into the laboratory of pseudoscience, trussed up in a lab coat, and made to dance the quantum Bharatnatyam. From cloning to quantum entanglement, from Vimanas to the Big Bang, everything apparently exists  already  in the Vedas — we just need the right Upanishad and a lot of imagination. And maybe a little bhang. But the truth, dear reader, is far ...
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📜Holy Scrolls and High-Tech Hilarity: When AI and Carbon Dating Gave the Dead Sea Scrolls a WTF Makeover...

By Our Resident Scribe of Digital Divinity Judean Desert, 2025 — In a discovery that’s part Indiana Jones, part Silicon Valley, and all-out WTF, scientists and historians have just teamed up to drop a bombshell on biblical scholarship — with an algorithm named “Enoch,” no less. Yes, you read that right. The Dead Sea Scrolls, those ancient, moldy, suspiciously magical parchments, just got a digital glow-up courtesy of artificial intelligence and radiocarbon dating. And the results? They’re rewriting not just what we know about ancient Israel but also what we thought we knew about who wrote these things in the first place. A Holy Mashup: Scrolls Meet the Silicon Chip Let’s get one thing straight: the Dead Sea Scrolls have been the divas of ancient texts for decades — mysterious, fragmented, and with a flair for drama. But now they’ve been put through the ringer of high-tech scrutiny, turning ancient parchment into data sets faster than you can say “Qumran.” The idea was simple — o...
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👉Holy Algorithms! When AI Met the Bible and Turned Scholarship Into a Divine WTF Show...

By Our Resident Digital Prophet (and Occasional Blasphemer) The world of biblical scholarship was always known for its tweed jackets, dusty scrolls, and late-night arguments over who wrote what when. But this week? Buckle up, because the Age of AI just kicked in the ancient doors of Jerusalem — and scholars are still picking up their wigs from the floor. A team of Israeli and international scholars dropped a bombshell of a study, using algorithms and word-frequency analysis to figure out what might be the oldest whodunit of them all: Who the hell wrote the Bible? A Divine Mystery, Meet a Data Scientist For centuries, everyone from medieval monks to modern PhDs has debated the origins of these sacred texts. Divine dictation? A bunch of dusty desert poets? Or some wily priests with quills and a flair for moral grandstanding? Enter the new algorithm, a glorified word-counter that’s apparently better at sniffing out ancient authors than your average dusty seminarian. It doesn’t car...
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